A Christmas Snitch Sees the Light (LEDs, That Is)

(Editor’s Note: In the holiday spirit we present this enlightening poem — with a tip of the hat to Dr. Seuss. Please click on the link for the stanza layout.)

All the Las
Down in La-ville
Liked Christmas a lot…

But the Snitch,
Who lived just North of La-ville,
Did NOT!

The Snitch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now please don’t ask why, ‘cause we all know the reason.
What made that old Snitch-man so mean and so sour
Was the way all the Las used up holiday power.

They used it on parties. They used it on shows.
They used it to light up a young reindeer’s nose.
But what made the old Snitch really put up a fight
Was the excess they used on their holiday light.

How he hated the blinking! How he hated the shine!
How he hated the crass lack of decent design!
But what lay at the base of the old Snitch’s rants
Was that La-power came from coal-fired plants.

“Why that coal is so dirty! Those emissions so thick!
It’s enough to make all of North-La-ville quite sick!
What a bad use of coal,” the Snitch fussed, and said,
“It should all go in little La-stockings instead!”

And then the old Snitch reached a kind of resolve
This was one carbon problem he knew how to solve.
And later that day, with a sneer and a frown,
The Snitch set out south to take power lines down.

He had the right gear. He knew just what to do.
He had maps with the heaviest users marked, too.
He had even assumed a new Santa Claus guise
But at House Number One he got quite a surprise.

The home’s lights were fluorescent, its windows looked newer
He was suddenly on a green retrofit tour!
The old Snitch did not know just what he should do
When he found himself there with Enviro-la-Lou.
(Enviro-la-Lou, who was just twenty-two.)

He looked her all over, suspicious at first
Of her ethnic-look earrings and hand-woven purse.
But she soon won him over as she told him how
All the Las down in La-ville used less power now.

“We’re working together,” the Snitch heard her say.
“To save electricity in a new way.
We still have our lights, and our parties, and shows
But with upgraded buildings our use doesn’t grow.

Customers, unions and some CBOs:
Together we even re-did that deer’s nose.
But we all know we’d never have had the ability
Without the hard work of our local utility.

We’ve swapped out our lights and installed insulation
We buy E-star fridges without hesitation.
Even our holiday light-strings, you see,
Use less (now that we’ve gone with all-LED.)”

The Snitch thought it over. He just liked it more.
No need to be grumpy, no need to be sore.
All of those La-las, the short and the tall
Had efficiency measures to keep their needs small.

And with power use down, why the Snitch was quite glad
Of the Christmas-time merriment still to be had!