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Norton Hears a Seuss!

Republicans open another front in the culture wars—but shoot at the wrong target.




Photo Illustration by Scott Olson/Getty Images

Six books, it was said
Were “hurtful and wrong”
They’d be published no more
It was time to move on

You might think this made sense
There would be no confusion
At a time when so many
Seek to foster inclusion

Yet reaction was swift
From those on the right
Who ranted and raved
All day and all night

Cancel culture, they said,
From all of these Dems
Was running amok
Just where would it end?

Republican Rep. Dan Bishop
Was one to emote,
First, they canceled a book
Next, they’ll cancel your vote

Rep. Kevin McCarthy
Also tried to make hay:
“First they outlaw Dr. Seuss
“And now they want to tell us what to say”

Candidate Tom Norton
In a tweet widely seen
Vowed the “government cannot take”
“My Dr. Seuss books or my AR-15”

OAN’s Camryn Kinsey
With a touch of hysteria
Also blamed the Dems and said,
“A sad time for America”

The hosts on Fox News
Hadn’t been this full of dread
Since they lost their minds the week before
Over Mr. Potato Head

But the funny thing was
(And of this they gave no hint)
It wasn’t the Dems
Who took the books out of print

Nor was it other lefties
Trying to be PC
It was, instead, Random House
And Dr. Seuss Enterprises LP

The last time I checked
These weren’t political parties
Or Antifa radicals
Or super-woke smarties

These are businesses tuned in
To what consumers demand
To the call of the market
To Smith’s unseen hand

And so if they decided
That the right move to make
Was to pick a few titles
They’ll from now on forsake

You can bet that social responsibility
Was partly in play
But so was making a buck
At the end of the day

By changing with the times
Not sticking their heads in the sand
By listening to their customers
And protecting the brand

You’d think these Republicans
With their capitalist cries
Would embrace this reality
And stop spreading their lies

The fact that they don’t
Suggests one thing to me:
Go long on Seuss Enterprises
And short the GOP

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